Boost Your Child's Self-Esteem
Deanna Mascle
Many people have a strong opinion on the importance of
self-esteem in children. Some people have a negative opinion
and believe too much emphasis is placed on self-esteem today.
Other's believe strongly that self-esteem development is
crucial in children.
The truth is that both parties have a share in the truth. There
is probably too much emphasis on self-esteem today and
self-esteem development is crucial. However middle ground can
be found between the two groups. The emphasis shouldn't be on
building self-esteem but rather helping children learn and grow
so they naturally develop a feeling of worth and value.
Self-esteem is a major key to success in life. The development
of a positive self-concept or healthy self-esteem is extremely
important to the happiness and success of children.
Self-esteem is how we feel about ourselves, and our behavior
clearly reflects those feelings. If you child has high
self-esteem she is likely to act independently, assume
responsibility, take pride in her accomplishments, tolerate
frustration, attempt new tasks and challenges, handle positive
and negative emotions, and offer assistance to others. If your
child has low self-esteem he will avoid trying new things, feel
unloved and unwanted, blame others for his own shortcomings,
feel (or pretend to feel) emotionally indifferent, be unable to
tolerate a normal level of frustration, put down his own talents
and abilities, and be easily influenced.
Parents have the most influence on their child's self-esteem.
Most parents do not realize how great an impact their words and
actions have on their child.
Be Quick With Praise
When you feel good about your child, mention it to him. Parents
are often quick to express negative feelings to children but
often don't get around to describing positive feelings. A child
doesn't know when you are feeling good about him unless you tell
him. He needs to hear you tell him that you like having him in
the family. Children remember positive statements we say to
them. They store them up and "replay" these statements to
themselves. Make a point of giving your child words of
encouragement throughout each day. Look for situations in which
your child is doing a good job, working hard, trying a new
challenge, overcoming a difficulty or displaying a talent.
Lay It On Thick
Be generous with your praise. Use what is called descriptive
praise rather than the general, such as "good job". For
example, during a recent swimming lesson my son was expected to
swim the length of the pool. He was frightened and didn't think
he could make it. When he successfully accomplished the goal I
told him I was proud of him for two things. One for trying even
though he was afraid he'd fail and two for pushing himself to
reach his goal.
Make Them Talk The Talk
Teach your child to practice making positive self-statements.
Psychologists have found that negative self-talk is frequently
the root cause of depression and anxiety. What we think
determines how we feel about ourselves and those feelings
determine how we behave. This is the reason it is important to
teach children talk to themselves in a positive manner. You can
start them off by asking directed questions.
Avoid Name Calling
While it is often important for parents to be critical, the
focus should be on the action you would like to see rather than
the child. Rather than calling a child a slob for keeping a
messy room focus on the desired action, which is to sort
clothes and toys into their proper places. Encourage the child
by saying something like "I know you can get this place ship
shape by dinner" and reward them with specific praise "You did
a great job cleaning up your room".
Always Speak Of Your Child As If They Were Listening
Many parents do a wonderful job of building up their child's
self esteem while spending time with the child. Then later they
undo all their good work and let the child overhear some
negative comments. It is difficult to explain away or undo this
damage as you may well not even know when it occurs. Obviously
parents need to communicate with each other about their
children and adults often need to vent their frustrations. Just
make sure when you do so that your child is not able to
overhear. Even a child who is apparently concentrating on play
will perk his ears when he hears his name.
If you follow these five methods then your child's self esteem
will grow.
About The Author: Deanna Mascle shares more parenting advice in
her blog at http://ParentsLearnMore.com
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